Help! I Started Intuitive Eating and Now I Can’t Stop Eating
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Many people come to explore intuitive eating because they’ve spent years of their lives yo-yo dieting, trying to control their food and body to no avail. If achieved, weight loss is usually temporary, but the food preoccupation is constant, and the food rules become all consuming. They know this is not what they want for themselves and the idea of being able to let all of that go holds a lot of appeal. Even if there is a heavy dose of skepticism about that possibility mixed in, too.
One challenge that I observe in the many folks I work with both individually and in our groups is the desire to “do intuitive eating” and just turn it on as they would any other diet or food plan. This makes a lot of sense if they have a history of adhering to eating rules. And, this can quickly turn into frustration when they realize intuitive eating really is not that way. We can’t just decide to “do intuitive eating” and automatically be able to eat intuitively.
That’s because intuitive eating is not a diet. It’s not a set of rules to follow. It’s a framework to guide you on your path to unlearning and relearning how to relate to food and your body in a more supportive way, to rebuilding trust and confidence in yourself and your ability to make informed decisions about how to feed yourself, and to ultimately find your path to nourishing yourself in a way that works for you. But this takes time. Sometimes it takes a lot of time. It requires a willingness to be curious and experiment, with awareness that not every experiment is going to go exactly as planned. There will be trial and error, ups and downs. But there is no right or wrong, pass or fail on this journey, because every experience provides valuable information and insight to support us as we move forward. And the longer we’ve been engaged with diet culture and participating in diet programs the more unlearning and relearning we will have to do.
A common experience that our clients and group participants will note, especially early on in their journey, is their frustration around feeling like they want to eat everything and often eating past the point of physical comfort. The thought is, “I’m doing exactly what I was afraid I’d do,” and the desire is to return to the rules to regain some sense of control. So first, I just want to stress how normal this during this process. You’ll see that in the stages of intuitive eating outlined below. Following that, I describe several reasons why this might be happening and offer some ideas for what you might do if this is where you are finding yourself.
The 5 Stages of Intuitive Eating
In the book Intuitive Eating, the authors describe the five stages of intuitive eating. They are:
Readiness: Hitting Diet Bottom – this is when you’ve recognized that diets don’t’ work, that your relationship with food and body is fraught, and you are ready to seek out an alternative. At this stage it is common to feel totally disconnected from and lack trust in your body and your appetite cues and find yourself eating to soothe, distract, and numb.
Exploration: Conscious Learning and Pursuit of Pleasure – this is when you start to loosen the grip on the rules, allow yourself to eat foods that have been forbidden, work toward connecting with biological cues of hunger and fullness, and begin to bring awareness to when you are eating for reasons beyond biological hunger. This is a stage of information gathering and insight, but often still means eating in a way that is less nutritionally balanced, may exceed the body’s fuel needs, and may not feel super great physically. This is normal and having these experiences is essential to reconnecting with and better understanding your body.
Crystallization – at this stage, food thoughts start to become less obsessive. There is less urgency to eat foods just because they are available or you can. You are better able to recognize and respond to your appetite cues and better able to understand driving forces behind the desire to eat (e.g., emotional vs. biological hunger). You are able to have experiences with food that help build confidence and trust in yourself.
The Intuitive Eater Awakens – this is where trust and confidence around food really start to take hold. You can begin to integrate principles of gentle nutrition if you so choose without turning them into a diet, you can generally eat in a way that is satisfying while also being attentive to your appetite cues. Guilt and self-criticism around food choices fade into the background.
The Final Stage: Treasure the Pleasure – your intuitive eater has been reclaimed! Morality around food and nutrition has been released, thoughts about food and eating take up the appropriate amount of space in your brain, which is just enough space to nourish yourself in a satisfying way. Eating experiences are neutral or enjoyable. You are able to honor your appetite cues relative ease. You can integrate movement in a supportive way if you choose. And weight and body concerns fade.
Notice how eating in a way that may not feel ideal or comfortable, is a normal and expected part of the process as you begin to figure out and integrate the principles of intuitive eating into your life. This is a not uncommon experience throughout the first three stages.
Moreover, it’s important to note that sometimes eating to the point of feeling too full is part of normal eating. The expectation with intuitive eating is not that this experience will disappear entirely. Sometimes it might even be intentional. But what shifts is the reaction to these experiences, wherein we accept this as a part of normal eating not a judgment on our character or worth, we can remind ourselves that this discomfort is temporary, and the level of distress associated with this experience is minimal.
What might contribute to eating in a way that feels out-of-control while learning to practice intuitive eating?
Here are some common reasons:
Hunger.
Before anything else, the first question to ask yourself is, “am I feeding myself enough.” If you have a history of dieting and food restriction, your perception of what is “enough” is likely skewed, resulting in you serving yourself what you *think* is enough but isn’t *actually* enough. It is especially common to under eat throughout the first part of the day and then by late afternoon feel totally consumed by food cravings which can eventually lead to eating in a way that feels excessive and compulsive.
Deprivation backlash.
This essentially describes rebound eating that results from the experience of actual restriction and/or anticipation of future restriction. For example, if for a long-time ice cream has been off limits and now it’s available and allowed, your interest in having this food is going to be heightened. You may find yourself wanting it often and in quantities that feel large due to the novelty and excitement around this new item. Additionally, if you are eating the food but simultaneously planning how you are going to “get back on track tomorrow,” where this food will again be off limits, it may trigger last chance thinking making you feel like you need to get it while you can.
Pseudo-permission.
This presents in a couple of ways. One way is when we are eating a particular food that has been forbidden, but there’s still a sense of “I really shouldn’t be doing this,” while we do. That familiar sense of guilt and shame continues to bubble up. This can be activating to that inner rebel part of us. The part us that, when we are told to do something, wants to do exactly the opposite, even if it’s really not in our best interest, just to reclaim our autonomy. This can lead to “screw it” or “I don’t care” eating.
Another way this might present is giving ourselves permission to eat the food but only on certain days, at certain times, or in certain quantities. These are still rules and this is still restriction. And the result will likely be something like this: if you decide ice cream is limited to 2 scoops, it will already feel like it’s not enough before you even start eating. If you say you can only eat ice cream on weekends, you will find yourself craving it during the week. If you say you can only eat ice cream after dinner, you might find yourself really desiring it in the afternoon. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you really, truly want that much ice cream that often, but you also won’t really be able to tell because you will be reacting to the restriction with increased desire for the controlled item.
Emotions.
We eat food for many reasons beyond biological hunger and physiological need for fuel. One common reason is to cope with difficult emotions. I want to emphasize that this is normal. Indeed, food can sometimes be very effective for providing us with the comfort that we seek. That said, if we are finding that, when we experience difficult emotions, we use food as a way to numb out or even punish ourselves, and ultimately end up feeling physically unwell or in pain, then it’s likely that food, or food alone, isn’t able to support is in the way we are asking it to. So, checking in with the feelings we are experiencing around challenging eating experiences can be helpful for calling attention to the needs we are trying to meet through food and help us find additional ways to support ourselves in getting those needs met.
Are any of these scenarios sounding familiar?
What do you do with that information?
Practice self-compassion.
Please extend to yourself the same compassion and kindness you would to another human who was struggling. Changing our relationship to food is really hard work. For many, diet culture, food rules, pursuing weight loss have been center stage in their lives for a really long time. Learning to let go of all of that and the guilt and shame that likely accompanied it, is a process.
Utilize supportive structure with eating to ensure adequacy and consistency.
As I’ve mentioned before, intuitive eating isn’t something we can just “turn on” or “do.” It’s a practice that builds over time. As part of building that practice supportive structure can be very helpful, wherein the emphasis is on getting enough food consistently throughout the day. Some gentle guidance around meal composition can sometimes be useful, too. Of course, flexibility is always encouraged. But, if going from strict structure to no structure feels totally overwhelming, gentle structure can provide a bridge to greater body awareness and trust without feeling like eating has just become a free-for-all. We teach about this in our group programs and I’ve summarize some of the principles in our blog, What is Healthy Eating, Anyway?
Incorporate a simple mindfulness practice.
I utilize a lot of mindfulness and mindful eating principles in the work I do with clients. If you are feeling like you are often arriving at the place of feeling overfull before realizing how you got there, a couple of things you might try are reducing the distractions that are present while you eat allowing you to really tune into the sensory experience as you eat, and to pause after every few bites to check-in with yourself. You might ask yourself, “How does my body feel right now?” “How is this food tasting right now?” “Am I enjoying this experience?” and “How will I feel if I continue eating?” Just notice what comes up as you do this. If you notice you are full, and will be too full if you keep eating, but find it hard to stop anyway, instead of telling yourself you should stop, get curious around where that desire to eat anyway is coming from.
Create a hierarchy of challenge foods.
The concept of practicing unconditional permission to eat all foods is a tricky one in intuitive eating. We may find ourselves taking an all-or-nothing approach with it, as maybe was the case when we were dieting (because when you are dieting you are either on the plan or off the plan). Sometimes a more systematic approach can feel safer. Now, I’m not telling you you can’t go all-in with all the foods that have been forbidden and vilified in the past. It’s certainly an option and may be very effective for some folks. But, if you are feeling overwhelmed by the idea of practicing permission to eat all foods and it’s making you crave the perceived control of a diet because eating feels so chaotic, it may not be the best approach for you. You may find it helpful to start by just identifying the foods that you want to neutralize, ranking them from least challenging to most. Then, instead of bringing them all into your house at once, take more of a systematic approach, wherein you intentionally move through the list starting with the least challenging item and working toward more challenging items.
Notice “what the hell” thinking (or “I deserve this” thinking).
This is more a sign of eating with abandon than it is true permission. So, when you notice this coming up, take a second to pause, check in, ask yourself what’s going on, identify your needs, and remind yourself you can have this food if you want it. This kind of thinking often results from pseudo-permission. If that’s true for you, I encourage you to think about how can you counter those unhelpful thoughts and reassure yourself that eating the food it truly allowed, there’s nothing that needs to be done to earn or compensate for this food, and it will be allowed again in the future, too.
Ask yourself, what need am I trying to meet right now?
Sometimes, when eating is a primary form of coping with difficult emotions, creating the expectation that we’ll just be able to stop isn’t realistic (and may not even be necessary!). So, start by bringing awareness to the emotions coming up and the needs you are trying to meet and recognize the degree to which food is feeling supportive. Again, sometimes it will feel supportive! If it does, great. Eat and move on. If it doesn’t, consider your other options – what other supports might you need to add in? This is where therapy and support from an intuitive eating registered dietitian can be really helpful. Please don’t feel like this is something you “should be able to do on your own.” You deserve support.
So, a couple of takeaways I’ll leave you with: Remember that giving yourself permission to eat all foods is not the same as eating with abandon and intuitive eating is not simply not dieting. If you are exploring intuitive eating and that’s the way that you are feeling, like food is a free-for-all, like you are totally out of control, you are overwhelmed and really wanting to seek the comfort and safety of food rules, I hope this has helped to illuminate some of the reasons why.
If you are feeling like you could use a little more support and guidance on this journey, please join us inside one of our Intuitive Eating Group Programs where you will be guided by and intuitive eating registered dietitian and joined by like-minded folks who get it, who have been/are where you are, and also crave more peace and ease around food just like you do.