Holiday Q&A: How Do I Manage Eating Disorder Thoughts at Holiday Gatherings?
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Question:
I know my eating disorder thoughts will be really loud when I’m around certain foods at holiday parties and I’m not sure how to manage them. What should I do?
Answer:
It’s a good idea to have a plan for how to navigate challenging environments for your eating disorder so that you can feel a bit more prepared going into these situations. For many the holidays are a particularly challenging time due to food being a major part of the celebrations. While it may feel less stressful to push the holiday gathering out of your mind in the days leading up to it, this can set you up to feel completely overwhelmed once you are there. This is not to say having a plan will guarantee food will be totally stress-free, but you will at least have some strategies to try with when you notice the eating disorder thoughts starting to creep in.
By the way, just noticing the thoughts and trying to do something about them is a big step.
Here are 3 tips to help:
Leading up to the get together, eat regular meals and snacks. Give your body adequate nourishment earlier that day. Food is one of our basic needs as humans, and when you don’t have enough of it, this can lead to increased thoughts about food (what you’ll eat, when, how much, etc). Walking into a situation where you’ll be exposed to many fear or challenge foods in this mindset can add to the feeling of being overwhelmed. This can also set you up to feel out of control around food if by the time you allow yourself to eat, you’re famished. Wanting food, and a lot of it, when our blood sugar is low and we’re running on E is a natural response of the body to energy depletion (not a failure of willpower, as diet culture would like us to believe). Also not eating before a larger meal to “save up space” does not take into consideration that our bodies are working for us now and therefore need energy regardless of what is to come in the future.
Check-in with your intentions when making food choices. In a setting where there are many food options to choose from, you may feel pressure to stick to only what feels safe, or to try everything, regardless of what you actually are in the mood for. There is nothing wrong with having only a few of the options provided or trying each one, what matters is the intention behind these behaviors-- are there food rules at play? Is there black and white thinking going on, for example, “I can only eat this during the holidays”? Try taking a pause to bring awareness to the intentions behind your choices, as this can give you information in the moment about what the recovery-oriented decision may be.
Try reframing thoughts to make them more neutral. When you notice food judgements, try reframing them to see how offering a different thought impacts how you are feeling about eating that food. For example:
Thought: “I can’t have mashed potatoes and bread because that would be too many carbohydrates”
Reframe: “Carbohydrates are the body’s main source of fuel, and not every meal needs to be perfectly balanced.”
Thought: “I am worried eating this is going to ruin my health”
Reframe: “My health is not just about what I eat. Also, a single meal will not make or break my health”
Thought: “If I feel this full, I did something wrong”
Reframe: “Eating past the point of fullness is part of normal eating.”
Managing loud eating disorder thoughts during the holidays (and throughout the rest of the year) is exhausting work, so don’t forget to offer yourself some self-compassion along the way.
Want more support on finding peace with food during the holidays and all the rest of the year, too? Contact us to schedule a FREE discovery call and see if working together is a good fit for you! We see clients in Vermont, Florida, and several other states. And, be sure to join our email list for more tips and support on your healing journey.